Choosing the Right School: 5 Questions Every Dad Should Ask

As fathers, we show up for school tours. We fill out applications. We Google rankings. But choosing the right school is more than test scores and ratings—it’s about setting the tone for how your child sees themselves in the world.

Whether you're co-parenting, doing this solo, or navigating it as a team, the school you choose plays a major role in your child’s confidence, development, and future.

Here are 5 powerful questions every dad should ask before making that decision:

1. What’s the vibe? (And does it feel right for your kid?)

Every school has a feel. Some are strict and traditional, others are warm and nurturing. Some focus on structure, others on creativity. You can’t Google this—you have to walk the halls, look around, meet the staff, and pay attention to how it feels.

Pro tip: Bring your child with you on a tour when possible and watch their body language. Do they look comfortable? Curious? Out of place?

Why it matters: Kids thrive when the learning environment matches their personality. According to research from the National Association of Elementary School Principals, students are more likely to succeed when their social-emotional needs are met early on in the classroom.

2. How strong is the communication with parents?

You shouldn’t only hear from a school when something goes wrong. Ask how they keep families informed—especially fathers. Some schools go the extra mile with apps, newsletters, dedicated dad events, or even bilingual support.

Questions to ask:

• Do they have parent portals or text updates?

• Are dads invited to volunteer or participate?

• How do teachers respond to parent concerns?

Why it matters: A study published in Early Childhood Research Quarterly found that father involvement in schooling is linked to better behavioral outcomes, improved academic achievement, and higher self-esteem in children—especially when schools foster strong parent-school partnerships.

3. What’s their approach to discipline and emotional growth?

Grades are important—but so is how a child is treated when they’re having a tough day. Ask how the school manages conflict, emotional outbursts, bullying, and discipline. Are they using restorative practices? Do they emphasize emotional intelligence or only punishment?

“What happens when my kid makes a mistake?” should never be a question you’re afraid to ask.

Why it matters: Schools that use restorative justice practices have seen a 40% reduction in suspensions, according to the National Education Policy Center. Positive discipline builds confidence—not fear.

4. Do they support different learning styles?

Every child is wired differently. One might thrive with hands-on science labs; another might need quiet time or visuals. The best schools are the ones that honor that diversity in learning.

Ask:

• “How do you accommodate different learning styles?”

• “What support exists for students who learn outside the box?”

Why it matters: According to the Learning Policy Institute, students show higher engagement and better academic outcomes when instruction is differentiated to meet diverse learning needs.

5. Can you see your child being seen here?

Representation matters. If your child walks through the school every day and doesn’t see themselves in the faculty, classroom material, or leadership—what message does that send?

Look for:

• Teachers and staff from diverse backgrounds

• Culturally inclusive curriculum and celebrations

• Equity-focused values and Diversity programming

Why it matters: A Johns Hopkins study found that Black students who had just one Black teacher by 3rd grade were 13% more likely to enroll in college—and 32% more likely with two. When kids are seen, they dream differently.

bonus insights: Talk to the Parents already there

School staff will highlight the best parts—but parents with kids currently enrolled will tell you what happens day to day. What’s the culture like? Do their kids feel supported? Are concerns taken seriously? Ask other parents during open houses, or request a parent contact from the school directly.

Why it matters: Firsthand perspectives can reveal red flags or unexpected wins you won’t get from a brochure or a tour. It’s one of the best ways to find out if a school’s values match your own.

Final Thoughts from One Dad to Another

This isn’t about choosing the perfect school—it’s about choosing a place where your child will be nurtured, challenged, and respected. Where they’ll feel safe to grow into themselves.

Whether it’s public, private, charter, or homeschool, you are your child’s first and forever advocate. And when dads show up to ask the tough questions, kids win.

📣 Have you recently gone through the school search process? Drop your tips or questions in the comments—or share this with another dad who’s just starting out.